I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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