and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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