you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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