I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have fence marks all over my body
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