But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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