Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
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Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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