watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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