guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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