i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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