ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize