She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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