it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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