Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize