Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize