Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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