He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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