I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize