3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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