I could have mohawked her pubes.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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