so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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