my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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