her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
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i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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