I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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