put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am naked and annoyed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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