Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize