we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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