you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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