do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize