It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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