just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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