I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want to have your abortion
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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