I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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