Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize