So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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