...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have aggressive nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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