And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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