I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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