You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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