she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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