I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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