eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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