just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize