ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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