Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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