that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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