big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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