He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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