I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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