You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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