she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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